Ask The Swag Gal – December 15, 2010

This week I’m delving into a personal question that I was asked by one of our Swaggernauts:
Dear TSGal,
“What do you do and say when your only daughter who has always dated men tells you that she is a lesbian? This is my situation, and its hard for me because I know I can’t tell her how to live her life, and I want to see her happy, even though I dont agree with it. And also it’s hard, because the girl shes with is a very nice person, and I like her a lot. She knows I dont agree with my daughters choices, though I wouldn’t, and never have said, anything negetive to her about it. My daughter, though, knows, and says that I am close minded. Any advice?”
Dear Anonymous,
I appreciate this question, as I imagine it must have been a hard one to send in. First and foremost, it is important to remember that she is, and always will be, your little girl. No matter who she decides to be, or the person she grows to become, she will never stop being your precious daughter. You must understand that as hard as this situation is for you to cope with, it is just as hard, if not harder, for her.
What I find beautiful in this, is the fact that your daughter took the strength and courage to approach you and tell you. This alone proves that you two have a very special relationship, and that she truly trusts you as her mother. It is important that you are there to comfort and support her at this difficult time in her life, even if it is not something you are necessarily comfortable with. This is now her lifestyle. Although it may be different from yours, this is what makes her happy, and that is what matters most. It sounds like you and her have a great relationship, and that should certainly be cherished. A mother-daughter bond is one that could last forever, and that shouldn’t be compromised solely because of the person your daughter chooses to be with.
At this point, you need to make a decision. You can choose to argue it and let her know that you do not approve of her lifestyle, but keep in mind that you then may risk jeopardizing your close and trusting relationship. Or, you can move past it to ensure that your relationship is not affected by this, and to confirm to your daughter that you love her unconditionally. You certainly do not have to intimately engage with this part of your daughter’s life, and now that it’s all out in the open, there is no reason you even need to discuss it. She doesn’t need to know exactly how you feel, she just needs to know that you still, and always will, love her.
Wishing you and your daughter all the best,