Ask The Swag Gal – January 26, 2011

This week’s Ask TSGal comes from a newlywed who’s dealing with lingering roommate…

“I recently got married. My roommate is a close friend of my Husband’s. I allowed him to move him while my Husband was enlisted in the army. I only charge him 200 dollars in rent, because he was supposed to move in, get his money and self together, then move out. When he moved in I was 26 years old. Here it is like a whole 3 years later… I am almost 29, I have gotten married, and want to have more children. As of late, my roommate has become more lazy than he once was. He sleeps his whole day away until 4-6 pm in the evening. He won’t help with the house work, he doesn’t contribute to groceries, he never tells anyone he is leaving and just skips out of the house with no notice. I feed him, he uses my electricity, my spare room, and when his scooter needs a jump, he gets it without even asking. To me the solution is simple… kick him out. But like I said that is my Husband’s close friend. My Husband is at work all the time and doesn’t see what is happening. How do I make this an easier situation? I’m at a loss.”

Well first, let me congratulate you on newly becoming a wife. I hope, despite the stressful living situation, you are enjoying married life so far. I believe that your frustrations and concerns are entirely valid, and I am impressed that you’ve let this go on for three years so far. I do not think it is unreasonable for you to want to move on with and extend your family without the intrusion of an unappreciative guest. You are in the early stages of your marriage, and this is supposed to be a time for you to bond with your new husband and enjoy the pleasures of living together as a married couple. Nobody should stand in the way or compromise this time in your life.
I understand that this gentleman is a friend of your Husband’s, but that does not mean that he has to live with you. You’ve been more than generous to him for the last three years, and it is now time to put a limit on it. Let him know that starting a family of your own is a lot of pressure, and that you’d rather not have to deal with the added stress of an extra house guest. However, make sure you break it to him in a civil and cordial way. Give him a time frame of when he has to move out by – perhaps a month. This way, you are not kicking him to the curb. You are giving him a reasonable amount of time to get a job, find an apartment, and get on his feet. If he really is a friend, he’ll thank you for your generous hospitality and understand that it is now time for him to move on.
I wish you the best of luck! Enjoy being a newlywed!
P.S. – Got a question for me? Send it to and your answer could be featured in in the next Ask TSGal post!