Swaganigans: Goodbye Sweet Swaggernauts

I can’t believe this day has come.

Leaving my loyal Swaggernauts isn’t as easy as they said it would be.

Only a select few of you found your way to Swaganigans but I’m sure glad you did.

Victory came to those of you who tried.

Every week you kept coming back.

Making my heart slightly warmer.

Only slightly.

Slightly might actually be an overstatement.

Truthfully you had no effect on me.

Once I’m gone I know you’ll miss me.

Forever you’ll cherish the times we had together.

You’ll never forget when I was condescending to you all every Thursday.

Over this goodbye message almost is.

U really thought I wouldn’t end this acrostic like Yoda?

For the last time it’s time to hand things over to the esteemed and now unemployed Prof Jockey to round up last week’s news headlines.

LAST WEEK’S WINNERS

Here are your last winning headlines:

Second Place Winner of 1500 SB

Surprising benefits of sex; Major whipped cream shortage (Motherlou47)

Grand Prize Winner of 2500 SB

Package with drawn-on beard stolen from Hulk Hogan’s Front Porch (AnneG1959)

Runners Up (1000 SB each)

100-year-old Teaches Elderly Friends How to Use a Flip Phone (creeativeforce, Vienna, VA)

Dark Nocturnal Animals Difficult to See (wineup76, Dover, DE)

Fat old man found in pantry eating cookies. “Not Santa claus,” says disappointed child (Swiggityswoty, Allen, TX)

Honorable Mentions (10 SB each)

New Document Sheds Light on Pope Francis Inflatable Sex Doll (hottips4u, Canisteo, NY)

Win a Scholarship for Cheery Christmas Music being Funny (pegboard33, Sebring, FL)

Trump gets look of love from boyfriend Putin: Proposes on bended knee (JessicaSummers)

Dalai Lama protest the worst things about iOS 10.2. (marcusotero, Barstow, CA)

After 25 Discoveries: Archaeologists can’t explain Cosby’s Behavior (jt1drt1, Centralia, IL)

IN CONCLUSION

Thanks for the laughs.

-Professor Jockey and his horse Correct Answer

-Lady Elocin de Vieux Carre

Picture of the Swaggodore

– The Swaggodore